There is something that has been eating me alive and I just got to get it off my chest. Until recently, I thought I was the only one, but after talking with friends and clients I realized there is a whole generation of us that are upset. We are young enough that we text with our thumbs, (unlike our Mothers) but we are to old to have had Pinterest when we needed it most. We are truly mourning the loss.
We missed out on the precious engagement ideas. Don’t get me wrong, Jon asked me to marry him while we were drinking beer and watching a Tupac Shakur special on television. It was awesome. Not even Pinterest can beat that, but it would have been sweet to have had our pictures made with a chalkboard. We did managed to plan our wedding and build our house, but would it not been awesome to have a collection of unrealistic virtual dreams pinned to measure our reality by? Of course it would. Good gracious.
Then the babies came. The hand carved Pinterest knife twists in my heart. Y’all know I am nothing if not level headed, so I have come up with an idea that is totally practical. I’ve decided to have a Pinterest perfect gender reveal party at my house to make up for what I missed. Y’all are all invited. We are going to have all sorts of fancy food including a watermelon shaped like a crib with a little cantaloupe baby inside. There will be three giant boxes wrapped in white paper with big yellow bows. As Mason, Jesse, and Alyson jump out of the boxes screaming their genders, a photographer will capture the shock and joy on me and Jon’s faces as tears stream down our cheeks. After that we are going out in the front yard and have photographs made of me and Jon making hearts with our hands and him kissing on my belly right there in front of God and everybody. Don’t worry if you miss it. I’ll post the pictures on Facebook.
Think about what we did with pallets before we started building our shelves and furniture with them. That’s right. Nothing. How in the world did we share gluten free recipes that we had no intentions of actually cooking? I guess that was before a glute made folks sick so it wasn’t that important. I can’t believe I was able to figure out what to get tattooed on me without the idea of a flock of teensy, tiny, black birds that sorta look like a birth mark. We missed out on the outfit of the day, hilarious grumpy cat memes, how to contour our makeup, and making our own chapstick. We had no choice but to buy chapstick. No. Choice.
It was by the grace of the good Lord that we made it through those years in fashion and without dying from a gluten overdose. Thank you Lord.