Before we get started, I want ya’ll to know this is a metaphor, so I would appreciate it if ya’ll wouldn’t try to perform an exorcism on me while standing in line at the Ingles. Mmmm K?
I have a female who lives inside of me. I said female, because she isn’t a kid, she isn’t a woman, and she definitely isn’t a lady. To say she is awkward, would be such an understatement, that I feel that I should make up a new word to describe her, but I can’t think of one that would be adequate. She has pimples on her face and frizzy hair. Her posture is a slumpy slouch and she is clumsy. Trust me when I say, she is no athlete. She must have played around to much in high school, because she isn’t smart. She always wears an ugly silk shirt, just like the one I wore in my middle school picture. The fabric of her shirt is sewn together by threads of every failure and sin I have ever experienced. She loves that shirt so much, it is the only shirt she will wear. Plus she never washes it, so it stinks. She is shy and afraid and very lazy, so she is constantly trying to talk me out of working toward my goals and dreams. She is a freaking quitter if I ever saw one. She refuses to commit to friendships and ministries because in the most annoying whiny voice, she squeaks, “It’s just to hard.” She is selfish. She only has one thing really going for her, and unfortunately it is volume. She is so dadgum loud that sometimes she is all I can hear. She likes to call herself ridiculous names, like Sunny, Sandy, Sunday, and Saundie, but she never calls herself Sondi. I deal with her crap on a daily basis, but I’ve noticed she gets a special kind of fired up when I am at Church and on Facebook.
When I’m at church she loves to tell me I’m not good enough to serve. She literally lives to remind me of every sinful thing that I do. She has a boom box, and on it she has recorded every missed word and sour note I have ever sung. Would you believe she plays that crap for me before I get up to sing!? Well, she does. She tries to make me think I’m not good enough. She creates paranoia and drama in my heart by saying things like, “so and so doesn’t like you” and “so and so is mad at you”. You know what the worst thing about her is? There is just a smidge of truth in her lies, so it makes me want to believe her. When I am sitting on the pew listening to the preacher, she tries to get me unfocused. She points out people and families and says to me, “Look at them. They have it all together. You are a mess. They tithe more. They serve more. They pray more. Those people don’t have any worries but you got a butt load of problems there is no hope for.” Before I know it, the Preacher says “Amen” and church is over. I have wasted a Sunday morning blessing because that little lying, manipulative, stirrup pants wearing brat has had my full attention. (I have no earthly idea why she wears stirrup pants. I guess those ugly pants are the only thing that matches her ugly shirt. She ain’t got a lick of style.)
She gets down right embarrassing when I’m on Facebook. She will say “Oh, so and so is going to Disney. They don’t have any problems, and nothing at all to worry about. They have all their finances in order. I bet they actually SAVE money!” She loves to make me think that everyone else has it all together except for me. I try to remind her that I am very good at faking it and a whole bunch of people probably think I have it all together, but then she says, “well the people who know who you really are, know you are a cussing, sinful mess so you can’t win no matter what you do.” She has an answer for everything ya’ll, and it honest to goodness wears me slap out.
Am I the only one? No. I’m not. We all have that horrible gal (or dude) living inside of us. No matter what name they call themselves, their real name is Miss Insecurity. (or Mister) Yours may wear bellbottoms or a leisure suit. (I think it depends on your age.) She may be to fat, or to skinny, or to tall or to short. She may be an addict. She may not be smart. She is every thing you don’t want to be, that is for sure. If you think some people don’t struggle, you are wrong. They are just better at faking it. Every body struggles. Everybody worries. Everybody has problems.
You got to get real with Miss Insecurity, and it’s not easy because she is a fighter. Beating her down is a constant life long battle, and you got to stay on top of her because the last thing you want is for her to win. Don’t except that kind of defeat in your life!
Here’s what you do to Miss Insecurity. Take your bible, and beat the hell out of her. I don’t mean the cuss word hell, my Momma will rip me a new one in my blog comments for that, but I mean the devil’s hell, cause that is exactly where she came from. The devil uses everything you don’t want to be to create her and use her against you, because he doesn’t want you to succeed. He wants to hold you back from doing what God created you to do. By using a little smidge of truth in every lie, he can be very convincing. Don’t buy into it. It’s a load of crap. Take you’re bible, and read all the things it says about you as God’s child. Through Jesus Christ, you have peace with God. As His child you get the good stuff. Love, forgiveness, redemption, grace, and mercy. Child, USE IT.
Oh, and take that, devil.